i'm not that rust on the grate
i'm not that rot
with or without, i'm never Never
well, never say never;
never for now


the slow rush of winter surprises all,
birds into place,
the darkness down,
us farther from


sexual validation,
leveling up a video game character,
biases confirmed,
emotional vindication,
another glass,
another lie,
the softening emoji,
planning escape,
fantasies of
worthwhile fantasies,
constructing a ruin
to spec


the black year yawns to swallow
purpose in its death-like dreaming
and life flickers away on the breaths of
all who speak their truths



hands roots, eyes sky, mind wide
a thousand miles an hour in naked neural halls
is threaded flesh as rainbow tumors undulating to 
eject and absorb itself recursively birthing more and more
white streams that refine and lash into stellar dust inside-behind my eyes
i'm lost then found by myselves, but am i mine?
before awakening before living before killing is over-begun
behind crystalline veneers of far off too close turning glass wire
artifices of slights, heights of golden white cream to green of 
circles cycling the gyre in an ever reversing spiral
form the singsong plea from selves to self, to not forget:
the game is a trick
the rules are a lie
cease this war
we'll never die



injected, awaken

nonattachment visualized as
slithering neon burgundy walls of velvet
turning a mortal coil of pixelated emerald
that cradles, stretches, rotates
the body on a plane of lucid dream
peekaboo on both sides of the eggshell of reality,
a crocodile's unblinking eye
at the boundary of water and air
inward the self as yolk
outward the source
the expansive answer
the ease of existence
little dendritic deaths pulling life, anchoring cosmos
the secret made obvious

detached, release


lept in boiling lake
all that glitters is - up for grabs
and drowning us
all that's true is - up for debate
and eluding us

midas on the tire swing
midas on the 'gram
styrofoam scepter - grasped by cancer
jump, pussy jump

the followed follows
reality cleaves
the splash is posed
like a question

asked faultily, unanswered rightly
how will we ever get out
the cost rises in plumes
untotalled, mingling with acid


death and gifts lain out by hands that have never another shook

the drowning meets the drowned on the way home


outside the sphere of influence

and the diamond of violence

i gurgle, braindead.

a man in power authorizes

a windfall of fire

a man in power sleeps

in the manner i sleep

alike, both wide-eyed with

terror, in plush linen



the cost of life is pain

the pain of love is gain

the gain of loss gets lost,

included in the cost.


Guilt Seeking

Memories were
Now they are

All the while
All lost 

Arc between
Pairs of

Cut up and

Not caught

Voyaging out



In the corner
On the sill
Under the blanket
At my feet
It's not there
In my right pupil
In my left
In the mirror
In the night
In the crowd
In the rain
In the flower bed
By the entrance
To the park
By the horses
By the trash can
In the pile of leaves
Among the rocks
Among the ash
Beside your after image
Within the looping nightmare
Beyond the void
Within our hearts
Nowhere can we find it


having fun

decomposing ridden with a hundred thousand cuts is pleasure
donning regal silver death fantasy is play
wielding the abyssal power of midnight imagination is easy
pain is a child's toy
and time flies