i miss you

but not enough of you

what you were

is now formlessness

the healing process

can feel like erasure

pain is holding on

grasping at memory

with broken fists

dumb and mute

is loving

the now gone

love on its way to you

got bent like light thru glass

caught on doubt mid-air

some mild indifference

enough to warp affection

refracted lengthwise

then diluted

see it bilocate

into rainbow

here it lands

there it hangs

arched among us

anchorless already

glimmering away

river doesn't meditate

on the pain of its emptying

or the majesty of its source

its running is meditation

its changing is ceremony

stillness is next to godlessness

to the fawn in the brush

the entrails of the doe

spilled upon the frozen garden

symbolize nothing.

in the story of the fawn

there is no story.

too dark

i'm eclipsed and have been emitting less light, withholding
radiance, just barely recognizable by the coronal shape of critical

absence, over the distance is silence, through the silence is

distance,

meaning here

meaning now, is refracted

it's over there, it's later on

doubling back on itself so i can't follow it

to my new life,

i'm too dark, too beyond my own control