only water 2

Even when when I’m only water
even then and only when
the wind is eager endless empty
ever is the river winnowing
eased or never easing, ending but never ended
within the wind I’m winding under
when or where the wild eddies are


only water

even when i'm only water all the friends
i loved are not friends and are unknown by whoever i am now
every memory of joy is rotted and to recollect one is to think of a corpse on a pile
when i smiled it's because you smiled and not because i want to smile because i cannot
want to
a machine that detects and records deviations in pain and
rests among nonsignificant events to conserve energy until there is no more
i'm taken aback by my own revolted love for death and bored by those same old revulsions
the reliable floods
the dreams of the aftermath
when the tempest hits i am not struck
but folded at rest into a sheet of undulating chaos
even then i'm only water

being nothing having nothing in the warm yellow light of passivity
makes you a meadow and a mark of grace
summer's gonna cum
he's gonna plant a seed of winter blossom in the belly of fall
dispel your nausea with a sip from the goblet of crystalline emptiness
and you shall quench your excess
you're a good motherfather you're a seeking morning glory in the night
meditating on their birthing pains with
a philsophy of prosperity in mind
a blind inward eye
ever gazing at nothing


there comes a time when

'n it's come faster than i thought

everything that pins you here

is drifting, dust, or done. 

the painting above the bed

the seashell on the shelf

what does what did they mean

what cost what benefit to self

when even sen tenc es erode

does writing read un hear d

what am or was   or was   i 

if not  a man  of my  word 



thanks for everythin
let's smoke 'em if you got 'em
while we're waitin for the end

and desist already [sic]
cuz it's gettin late
'n hazy n i can't guarantee that
i'll guarantee that

we fucked
it up i guess the slate is clean
and i'm sorry for what i did
but i'm still out fifty bucks
i guess we're fine


world line

in 12000 BC a boy realized 

i know we don't know

as the mountain slept

and woke a thousand times

until 1998 in physics

mr. samson said we don't know

follow me to the mountain

sleep and dream under centuries of sheets

of rain and snow

after years of graduate archeophysics

i found his skeletal remains

sleeping with the mountains

i know he didn't know

we are bonded in

unknowable knowledge that

everything is layered

everything is every thing 

everything is a stratum of illusion and error

everything is mountains is sand is composed of the smallest possible amount of matter which still retains its identity as a chemical element and is not composed of other subatomic particles, that follows statistics describing the distribution of particles over energy states in systems consisting of many identical particles that obey the quantum mechanical principle which states that two or more identical fermions (particles with half-integer spin) cannot occupy the same quantum state within a quantum system simultaneously and generally have half odd integer spin 1/2, 3/2 etc except particles with the same mass, mean lifetime, and spin as their respective particles carrying a fractional electric charge, but the electric charge and other charges have the opposite sign and the particles that have a reversed world line to an elementary particle that has a spin of 1/2 and does not interact via the strong nuclear force of mountains of sand



father sits in sister's spot, strange. then mother, strange!
where is sister where is sister for many nights
father howls then mother howls louder, oh! so scary up to the bright dark
then brothers too and me too i howl hurt, our howls so scary and not calling sister
we howl and howl and howl together, same, alone
then mom stops so i stop we stop, and no sound
i hear, i see, song is done, sister is done