12/22/2015

deep thoughts

how can i make a gmail filter that automatically deletes corporate holiday greeting emails?

if thoreau had spent his 2+ years on walden pond hashtagging his daily life on instagram and collecting likes, i wonder if he'd have learned the same lessons.

am i maybe leaning too hard on the crutch of technology when i tell siri to remind me to eat a granola bar tomorrow morning?

12/17/2015

The best of the best.

I'm so excited to be the first half of the day after a long day
at the same thing to say I have a great way for a few years back
on my way home from work to be the first half of the year
and I don't think that I have a great way for a few years
back on my way home from work to be the best of the year
and I don't think that I can get it right away with the new version is better
to be the best of the best way for the next few weeks of school tomorrow
and the best thing to say I have to go back and I don't think I can
be the first half of the best thing to say I love it
and it was the best of the year of high quality of life
and the best thing ever I go back
and I don't know how much you love it

- Apple Autocomplete

12/05/2015

spam love

can we please just take a moment to appreciate the accidental joy that is dirty spam mail? this fine morning, one Sheryl writes me:
You Have An Urgent F%%k Message
I desire to have some wet night!
Need a sex in my office At first we are going to do some butt stuff
Do you want to see me undressed? Bye cutie

12/01/2015

4

circling
trying to land
or taking off
or maintaining altitude?
all of the above
none of the below
cut loose in the wobbling blue

---

you are sick
made dumb
handed a megaphone
and an ice cream cone.
  unknown slaughter
  is ideal war

---

i'm busy these days!
i keep.
being busy.
doing fills my days
doing fills me up
with a bloated nothing

---

swirling thru the circuitry of death
switching on to switch off to switch.
is the measure of mental health
a lack of leaks
a count of caught exceptions
an immaculate implementation

10/07/2015

i went to japan for 2 weeks.

here's a photo. photos capture nothing, so i took very few. this one is useless. it's from a bamboo grove in kyoto that will be endlessly photographed by tourists for as long as it stands. google the experience.


cynicism aside, i had a wonderful time. got to reconnect with old friends. sadly, i could remember so little of my life there. even the small streets and alleys surrounding the area where my apartment once stood seemed permanently unfamiliar. i missed it all as i re-experienced it, but it was like missing someone you haven't met.

6/22/2015

important terms

i use these to describe common scenarios in the city.

  • The Secret - a solo individual smiling mysteriously to themselves (must be a closed-mouth smile; no teeth)
  • Twincest - a gay male couple in which each guy looks and dresses alike
  • Hatsumomo - one or more individuals wearing crazy hats
  • The Gatekeepers - the pair of individuals who stand by the subway doors, blocking entry and exit
  • Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon - an asian person who you can't tell is asian until they take off their sunglasses
  • The Axe - that violent arm-swinging women do when they walk while carrying a purse, often preventing you from walking near them or passing them on a tight sidewalk (e.g. purse on right shoulder, left arm chopping backwards behind them)
  • In Love - when an individual looks at him/herself in a reflective surface while walking down the street, usually serving duck face or blue steel while adjusting their hair
  • Autopilot - when a woman unconsciously alters her path to avoid stepping on grates in the sidewalk even when she's wearing flats / sensible shoes
  • The Vest - anyone wearing a columbia fleece sleeveless zippered vest
  • A Statistic - a person who crosses the sidewalk in a herd without looking up from his/her phone

4/27/2015

spam poetry

What is cracking?
Try succumbing to your lust.
Goodbye, Heaven.

2/02/2015

Turning back

Knowing man
and staying woman,
be the riverbed of the world.
Being the world's riverbed
of eternal unfailing power
is to go back again to be newborn.

Knowing light
and staying dark,
be a pattern to the world.
Being the world's great pattern
of eternal unerring power
is to go back again to boundlessness.

Knowing glory
and staying modest,
be the valley of the world.
Being the world's valley
of eternal inexhaustible power
is to go back again to the natural.

Natural wood is cut up
and made into useful things.
Wise souls are used
to make into leaders.
Just so, a great carving
is done without cutting.

--Ursula K. Le Guin's translation of Lao Tzu's Tao Te Ching, book 1, chapter 28

1/21/2015

en es say

Safety's a lap race
Liar, it's a trap,
Trace, down the
Wire, haste makes
The last man last
The rest of us
Fired, blowing whistles
Higher, higher til
Liberty, estranged til
Sound, out of range